I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
