I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
