sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
