I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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