i barfeds in our rink
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
