Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
