Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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