Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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