also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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