i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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