Just cropdusted the office
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
