I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my liver is dry heaving
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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