i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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