How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
