On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
