sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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