My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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