When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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