a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
