shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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