Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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