conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
