this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
