So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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