I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
