An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize