But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
