So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
