its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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