i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
