so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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