Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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