how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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