I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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