u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
