careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
