So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
