I CAN MOONWALK!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
