Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
