We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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