he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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