The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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