I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
