i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My cat gives me a boner
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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