Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
