This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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