Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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