I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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