so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.