apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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