He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.