i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
