don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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