Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
