i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
