I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
