Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
