You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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