she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
