you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
