So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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