What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
