What did we do last night that was yellow?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
