when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
