Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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