Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
