if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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