wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
