the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
