New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
