please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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