i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
