in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
