yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
