possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
