i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
