shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
