So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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