i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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