My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
