I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
