He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
