Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
