I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
