I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
