I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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