Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize