just come out here and I will go home with you...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
These tits shall not be calmed
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