To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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