Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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