when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What a dumb baby whore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
