you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
